I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
