so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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