I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
