We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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