good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
