mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
