It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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