You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
