i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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