worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
