Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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