Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
