hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
