i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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