so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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