I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
