when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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