I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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