I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize