i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
