Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
