listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
