i jhust puked up my retainher.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
