First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
