I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Randomize
