and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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