You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
