Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The Olympian is in my bed
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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