I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
there was a trapeze. enough said
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
