singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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