Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
These tits shall not be calmed
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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