I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
