dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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