Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
