I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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