Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
