I CAN MOONWALK!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
