My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize