did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
