u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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