I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
