The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He felt like a one man threesome
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
