If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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