well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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