Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
