Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my sisters under your porch take her home
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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