How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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