Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
