I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
