I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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