I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
