Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
