Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
