Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
