he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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