If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
