i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
