peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
