I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize