just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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