We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
