How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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