i just wanna soil my oats bro
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
