Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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