I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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