I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
