I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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