I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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