He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
