You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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