Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
