The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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