also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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