vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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